


upon the highest bough

by CapriciousCrab



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Christmas, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Slight Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:34:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapriciousCrab/pseuds/CapriciousCrab
Summary: A last-minute book signing tour has Phil out of town in the weeks leading up to the holiday. He promises to be back before Christmas but sometimes even the best-laid plans fall apart, leaving Dan and Phil facing the prospect of spending Christmas apart.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	upon the highest bough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evening42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evening42/gifts).



> Merry Christmas, Ali  
> I tried to make it angsty for you but you know what a marshmallow I am :)  
> Thanks for being a terrific beta and an amazing friend <3

Dan paces the floor in the lounge, prowling back and forth before the windows in an effort to burn off the bitter feelings of anger and incredulity that are building up inside him. 

"I can't believe your publisher would be so stupid as to schedule a book signing tour now! It's almost Christmas, Phil."

Phil sighs and rubs at his forehead. He looks tired and frustrated as he pinches the bridge of his nose before looking up at Dan helplessly, spreading his hands before him in appeal. "What do you want me to do, Dan? Do you want me to cancel the tour?"

Dan scowls and crosses his arms. He's dimly aware that he's being childish and unfair to Phil, but he can't help it. They've never spent the entirety of the holiday apart before, and the thought of being alone at Christmas makes something inside him clench and ache. 

"Well, obviously you can't cancel the tour! But can't you talk to someone, see if you can be home for a couple of days at least?" His voice goes thin and his chin wobbles before he can firm it once more, pressing his lips into a thin line. "It's nearly Christmas," Dan says plaintively.

Phil reaches out and takes Dan's hand, giving it a gentle squeeze before bringing it to his cheek. He nuzzles into Dan's palm before pressing a kiss there, folding Dan's fingers as if to capture the kiss. 

"Let me call Bethany and see what we can do," Phil says softly. "I don't want to be away from you either, Dan. You know that, right?"

Dan sighs and cups Phil's cheek. "Yeah, I know. Go call Bethany, see what she can do. And then… well, I guess we'll go from there." 

He watches Phil slip from the room and bites anxiously at his bottom lip. He's pretty sure he knows what the outcome of this call will be and tries to prepare himself for the worst. And when Phil comes back with a sad, strained smile Dan can feel the last bit of hope fade away. 

  
  


**12/13**

Dan wakes to the sound of his phone. He's tempted to ignore the _ping_ of the incoming notification, but Phil had left early this morning and Dan had made him promise to text when he got to his hotel.

Rolling over with a sleepy grunt, he stretches and sighs with pleasure. They stayed up late last night putting every minute to good use, the aches and mouth-shaped bruises littering his skin a delicious reminder. He sits up and leans back against the headboard as he grabs his phone from the table.

Ignoring the handful of texts and random emails, he opens Phil's texts with fingers still made clumsy by sleep. 

_i'm here and this hotel is pretty swank_

_ooh, room service has chocolate pancakes_

_and a nice robe_

_miss you already_

Dan snorts out a laugh as he texts back:

_chocolate pancakes and a fancy robe guess you're going to be well spoiled. I miss you too you big sap_

Dan swings his legs over the edge of the bed and stretches once more before shuffling to the bathroom for a shower. He soaks himself under the hot spray and feels the aches from last night melt away. He takes his time, luxuriating in the fact that he can. A solo shower means his ass doesn't freeze while they take turns soaping and shampooing and… other activities.

He checks his phone as soon as he's dressed only to find a single text from Phil waiting.

_there's a surprise for you in the lounge_

Dan can't help the grin that crosses his face. They had decorated the night before; their faces flushed from the spiked hot chocolate Phil had made as they sang along to Christmas songs and now there's a tidy pile of poorly wrapped gifts beneath the tree.

A folded scrap of paper waits on the piano with his name written in Phil's messy handwriting. He opens it to find a short but sweet note within.

**I know I just left this morning but I miss you. Guess that means I love you or something. You may have noticed a few things around the tree and yes, they're all for you. But you can only open one each day and they're numbered so go in order!**

**I'll be back by Christmas Eve, I promise.**

**Phil**

Curious now he makes his way to the tree and sits before it. Digging around the pile of packages, he finds the box with a tag labeled 'the first' and pulls it closer to unwrap. Tearing aside the paper, he finds a bottle of Pear Eau-de-Vie; the golden pear trapped within floating delicately inside the clear fruit brandy. He and Phil had seen something like this in a fancy shop long ago and had marveled at how the pear was grown inside the bottle.

An odd gift to be sure, but Dan's used to the strange turns Phil's mind often takes. He holds the bottle up to the light to admire it once more when his phone vibrates beside him.

_headed to the first signing and my ass is sweating. why am I doing this?_

Grinning like an idiot, Dan sets the bottle aside and picks up his phone, fingers flying over the keys as he replies:

_you're doing this so I can finally be a kept man. opened the first gift btw I love it. if you're sweet to me i might even share_

Phil's reply makes him snort out a laugh.

_you'd better share you greedy sot._ _i have to go now. skype later?_

_yes pls_

Setting his phone aside Dan gets to his feet and sets the bottle of pear brandy on the table before shrugging into his jacket. He's got some shopping of his own to finish and he may as well do it while he's in a good enough mood to tolerate the masses crowding the shops.

  
  


**12/15**

The second gift he opens is cute, the little statuette of a turtle and dove perfect for their new garden. Dan’s eager to find a spot for it right away but spring is still far away and he doesn’t want it to get weather damaged. Instead, he places it back beneath the tree along with the bottle of brandy he’d opened the day before.

He’d left the third gift to open tonight. He and Bryony had gone to that funky little jazz bar that Phil swore never to return to and he's well on his way to being more than a bit tipsy. Dan giggles to himself at the memory of poor, clumsy Phil knocking his entire drink into his lap; his denim jeans soaked through with whatever fruity cocktail Phil had been drinking that night.

He's still snickering when he pulls the third gift from beneath the tree and pulls off the mangled wrapping paper. He stares down at the item sat unwrapped in his lap, absolutely unable to comprehend what the hell he's looking at. Skipping texting altogether, he dials Phil's number and waits.

"I was hoping you'd call me!" Phil says on the edge of a laugh. "Did you open your present today?"

"Phil. What in the actual hell is this? Why am I looking at a picture of a chicken wearing a french maid's costume, with Anthony's face photoshopped onto it?" Dan asks in bewilderment. 

Phil's laughing too hard for Dan to understand any of the garbled words coming from his mouth. He stares down at the photo until understanding dawns.

"Oh my god. Phil, you fucking turnip… is this supposed to be a french hen? Like from the fucking song?"

"Yes!" Phil squeaks out, still laughing at Dan's obvious befuddlement.

"Why the fuck does it have Anthony's face?" 

"You said he looked good in that Maid Cafe video he did. Now you have something to remember it by."

Phil's wheezing laugh beings a reluctant smile to Dan's face even as he threatens to hang up. "I don't have to take this abuse. Goodbye, idiot."

"Wait, wait! I thought we were gonna skype?"

"Well cluck cluck, you're outta luck," Dan laughs before hanging up the phone. He takes one last look at the abomination in his lap before setting it aside for his laptop, pulling up the familiar website to wait for Phil's call.

  
  


**12/17**

He lets Martyn talk him into going to Cornelia's gig. He sulks about it at first because he wants to stay at home and wallow in his misery, but he knows how nervous she is and just how supportive she's been to him throughout the years. The sister he never had, motherly and sweet yet firm enough to kick his ass if needed, he loves her.

He could have said no. They wouldn't have been angry with him, well aware of Dan's mild agoraphobia and his tendency toward isolation, especially when he's home alone. But the significance of today's missing gift from Phil and thought of Cornelia looking for him in the crowd has Dan pushing himself out of the flat and into the waiting Uber. 

It's not that he truly expected a ring from Phil for today's silly gift but he can't help but worry about what it means that Phil would rather skip over today altogether. He's ready to work himself up into a proper spiral about it when the car pulls up to the cozy club Cornelia is performing in.

Now Dan stands shoulder to shoulder with Martyn and admires how she captivates the room with her pretty voice and elfin beauty. He watches her nerves settle when she sees Martyn's face beaming proudly at her from the crowd, so he pulls out his phone and films a bit of her set for Phil to watch back later.

It will make Phil happy to know he came, Dan thinks. And when Cornelia barrels into him later and squeezes him with all the strength in her petite body he laughs and realizes that he's happy he came too. He buys her a celebratory drink and grins at her excitement, her infectious joy spilling over him to drive back the darkening mood that keeps creeping closer each day. 

  
  


**12/23**

There are only two days left before Christmas, and Dan doesn’t feel like laughing anymore. There’s a growing feeling of discomfort in his bones, an itch that only comes when he and Phil have been apart for too long. 

He'd enjoyed the game with the gifts. Phil had really put some thought in trying to keep to the theme, though Dan thinks he cheated a bit with the milk bath Phil used for the eight maids-a-milking. Still, points to him for making the effort to find a vegan bath product.

Dan huffs out an irritated sigh and punches his pillow into submission once more, before flipping it over to rest his cheek against the cool side of the pillowcase. 

“This is fucking stupid,” he mutters to himself as he kicks the duvet away from his feet. He lets them dangle over the edge of the bed for a moment before snatching them back up to safety, his heart thumping even as he berates himself for the childish reaction. "He'll be home tomorrow. You're _fine_."

He flops over onto his back and gives up. He reaches for his phone and hesitates for no more than ten seconds before he’s ringing Phil. Wincing a bit at the time, he nestles the phone between his shoulder and ear as he tucks himself back beneath the duvet. It rings two times, then three and he's about to hang up when Phil picks up.

"mmm, 'ello?"

Phil's voice is soft and husky from sleep, and Dan is swept by a feeling of longing so strong that he can't even speak. He listens to the sound of sheets rustling in his ear as Phil moves around and swallows against the lump in his throat.

"Dan? What's going on?" Phil's voice is clearer now and edging toward concerned. "Are you alright?"

It's a familiar enough question, and one they've asked each other often enough over the years but it still makes Dan feel a pinch of shame. Ten years and he's still as needy as the teen version of himself and feels just as incapable. Ten years and he's still worried that Phil will eventually grow tired of his constant need for reassurance.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I just- I need to hear your voice a bit. I'm sorry, it's stupid and I shouldn't have-"

Phil interrupts as he always does when Dan starts to spiral. "It's not stupid, don't do that," he scolds gently. "I always like hearing your voice, even if it is… 3:30 in the morning," he says around a jaw-cracking yawn.

It makes Dan yawn back. That makes Phil laugh a little and his breathy little giggle makes Dan feel warm all the way down to his toes. He nestles further underneath the duvet and puts the phone on speaker. 

"Will you talk to me a little? Tell me about the guy you spilled your water on, was he fit?"

Phil snorts. "Definitely not fit. He was awfully annoyed, though."

Phil talks about his day of signing books and smiling for the pictures he always hates having to take. His low-pitched voice drones pleasantly in Dan's ear and the familiarity of it has the tension bleeding from his muscles; the knots loosening as he stretches and sighs, his eyelids getting heavier with each slow blink. Dan closes his eyes and lets himself fall asleep to the comfort of Phil’s voice.

  
  


**12/24**

He spends Christmas Eve at his mum’s.

It’s not a bad time but it’s not where he wants to be. He wants to be at home. Home with Phil, happily starting their own holiday traditions. Dan had hoped that this would finally be the year and had let himself daydream. Half-formed notions about staying up late baking cookies and spending a lazy morning unwrapping gifts had come crashing down when he’d read Phil’s text that morning.

_Ring me when you wake up_

He'd already known what Phil was going to say, and for a second he debated just rolling over and burying his head under the pillow. Instead, Dan had called and listened as Phil quietly broke the news.

"I'm sorry, Dan. I thought I'd be able to make it back but flights are booked solid. I can't even find an available train ticket anywhere."

Dan can feel a mixture of sorrow and anger burning in his chest. He breathes in and breathes out slowly, trying to reign in his rioting emotions before they bubble over to scorch them both.

"You've never broken a promise to me before," he says. It's a low blow and he knows it, meant to hurt Phil so that he feels as wretched as Dan does and he knows it strikes true when he hears Phil's quiet indrawn breath in his ear.

"Dan."

Just his name, spoken softly into the phone. No censure, no blame- just his name.

It makes him crumble anyway. "I'm sorry, Phil. I didn't mean it." 

"I think you did," Phil says sadly, "and I'm sorry, too."

They had made things right before hanging up, neither one of them keen on leaving hurt feelings to fester. So they'd apologized and talked out their disappointment at the prospect of being apart for the holiday.

Before they had hung up Phil had made Dan promise not to sit at home today.

"Please, Dan. At least go to your mum's for a few hours? I can't stand the thought of you being home alone when you don't have to be," Phil begged.

So here he is, sat on the sofa with Colin in his lap watching his mum set the table with the china she only brings out for the holidays. It makes him smile a bit and his mum smiles too when she notices.

"Doing alright, love?" Karen asks as she moves place settings around until she's satisfied. It all looks the same to Dan. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," he lies. Colin jumps up to lick at his nose and Dan sputters out a protesting laugh. "Eww, Colin. That's gross." He rubs Colin's silky ears as he settles once more in Dan's lap.

He looks up to find his mum by his side, an understanding look on her face. "I know you miss him, Dan. You don't have to pretend," she says gently, fluffing the curls off of his forehead. 

He closes his eyes and lets himself lean into her touch, accepting the comfort she's offering. "I was hoping this year would be different," he admits quietly. "That we could start making our own traditions."

"I know, love, and I'm sorry for it." She gives a sad sort of laugh and bends down to press a kiss to the top of his head. "But I'm also selfishly glad that you're here, even if it's just for a little while. Now go wash the dog off of your hands, and you can help me in the kitchen. I'll even give you a cookie."

Dan can't help but laugh.

*

He gets home a bit before ten, his belly full and a bit tipsy. The flat is cold and dark and he shivers as he flips on the lights. He hangs up his coat and kicks off his shoes before walking into the lounge to turn on the tree.

It twinkles at him as he sits on the floor before it. Dan's eyes roam over the baubles, and he smiles when he sees the bear and penguin ornaments nestled together on the same branch. 

He sighs as he reaches for the last gift Phil had left him and carefully unwraps the Christmas bauble. It's a little gold drum set with a tiny working cymbal and it's just ridiculous enough to make Dan smile a bit at Phil's whimsy.

He gets to his feet, turning the lights off as he leaves the room. He wants to shower, wants to wallow and finally shed these tears he's been holding back all day.

He checks his phone out of habit when he finally slips into bed and finds a text from Phil waiting for him.

_can biology explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone?_

Dan huffs out a melancholy laugh as his fingers tap out a reply: _Isn't that my line? Get your own material, Lester._

The next thing Phil sends is a photo. Dan opens it to see what he assumes is the car lot of the hotel where Phil is staying. It's illuminated by soft lights and the snow coming down sparkles like glitter. 

_Pretty_ , Dan texts back. _No snow here but wish there was_.

They text back and forth a few more times until Dan feels drowsy enough to fall asleep. They say their goodnights and the last thing Dan remembers is thinking that he wishes Phil was here too.

  
  


**Christmas**

There's a gentle tugging on his scalp. He's aware of it even as he struggles up from the depths of sleep, the feeling of a hand in his hair and a warm body behind his own. He blinks open his eyes and for a minute his mind is blissfully blank before he fully registers the feel of the man at his back.

"Phil, is that you?" Dan asks nonsensically in a breathy whisper. Afraid that this is nothing more than an elaborate dream his sad brain conjured up, he's reluctant to look over and see nothing but an empty spot behind him.

A warm breath blows across his cheek when Phil chuckles quietly. "It had damn well better be."

Dan flips to his side as a grin dimples his cheeks. "You're here! But I thought you said everything was booked?"

Phil stretches out his arm and waits as Dan rolls into his chest, tucking his head beneath Phil's chin. Phil goes back to playing with Dan's hair while dropping kisses on his forehead, his cheeks and even the tip of Dan's nose. It makes Dan laugh and squeeze his arms around Phil's waist as he wiggles closer to his warmth.

"I bought a ticket and waited on standby. Paid extra for the pleasure of it, as well," Phil mutters dryly.

Dan hums contentedly and closes his eyes. They lie quietly together beneath the duvet for a time before Dan's stomach grumbles and Phil starts making noises about coffee.

"C'mon, get up, you lump. People aren't meant to go so long without coffee."

*

They have coffee and breakfast and a lazy morning sat in front of their tree. It's nearly perfect and so close to what Dan had imagined their first Christmas morning alone together would be like. He's sprawled happily between Phil's legs, smiling and content as music plays in the background. He looks over the pile of unwrapped gifts and nudges Phil's knee with his elbow.

"You know you forgot one, right?"

"Hmm?" Phil's voice is deep and sleepy, and it makes Dan want to tug down the quilt from the end of the sofa and pull him down for a nap beneath the tree. 

Dan shakes his head at his own disgustingly fond thoughts and nudges Phil again. "The Twelve Days of Christmas thing… you forgot one."

"I did no such thing."

Phil's voice is smug, the way it gets when he pulls one over on Dan and it instantly makes him wary.

"Phil, I've counted them, for christ's sake. There's only eleven here. Look…"

He scrambles beneath the trees and starts setting things out between them.

"We have the pear brandy, a turtle and dove statue, the fucking cursed Anthony chicken, a book about birdsongs…"

He shuffles farther underneath and comes back with another handful of gifts.

"...goose socks, chocolate swans- which I am _not_ sharing, vegan milk bath, Nutcracker tickets, reservations for the goddamned Lord's Dining Club…"

Phil's laughing now, that nearly silent breathless laugh he does when Dan gets ridiculous like this.

"... an actual CD of bagpipe music that I think you found in your mum's car and the drum set ornament. Eleven gifts, Phil. E-lev-en."

Dan sits back and smiles smugly into Phil's face. "You can't count for shit, mate."

"You mean you can't read for shit, _mate_ ," Phil mocks playfully. "I didn't say they were all under the tree. I said they were around the tree. You just got lazy."

Dan tips his head back and sure enough, there's a tiny box nestled on the uppermost branches of the tree. He thinks of the song lyrics and is suddenly filled with jittery nerves. He stands and wipes his hands on his joggers before reaching to pluck the box from the tree.

"Phil…" Dan's voice trails off as his fingers pluck at the crooked ribbon tied around the box. His heart feels like it's beating rabbit fast and he's not sure what to do. He would say yes. Of course, he would say yes because they've talked about it a million different times over the last ten years and they both want the same thing. He just wasn't sure if they were ready yet. If _he_ was ready.

"Dan, come sit down," Phil asks softly, his voice full of gentle humor. He waits until Dan's sat between his legs once more and wraps his arms around him in a tight hug. "It's not an engagement ring so you don't have to look so terrified."

He doesn't know if what he feels is relief or disappointment. Dan looks up into Phil's face and waits.

"I'd ask you right now if I thought it was the right time. But I know that there are still things we want to do, things that you need to do before we get there. So I thought this would be the next best thing."

Dan tugs off the ribbon and opens the box to see a golden hoop inside. A delicate rose gold, it gleams against the black satin it rests upon.

"Oh! It's lovely," Dan says softly. He traces the hoop with a trembling fingertip.

"We may not be ready for rings and announcements but I wanted to give you something you could look at every day and know the promise that it holds." Phil laces his fingers through Dan's and nuzzles his nose against the baby-soft hair at the nape of Dan's neck. "That when we're both ready, I'll have a different sort of ring waiting for you, and then we can give each the answer we're waiting for."

He leans forward to kiss Dan's cheek. "And that's a promise I'll never break."

Dan can feel the tears welling up to spill over his cheeks and gives an irritated sniffle. He cries easily and he hates it, but Phil just cuddles him closer and rubs his cheek against Dan's shoulder.

"I love it, Phil. And I love you, even if you do make me a sentimental idiot," Dan says playfully, his voice watery and thin.

"Yeah, but you're my idiot. And I Iove you, too."

They let the emotions well up and then fade back, easing away from the ferocity of it until it's comfortable once more as they sit bundled together in their quilt before their tree. 

Their first Christmas morning together.

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to Sarah for reading this over and reassuring me that it wasn't the mess I thought it was. <3
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> You can like or reblog [here](https://capriciouscrab.tumblr.com/post/189850245695/upon-the-highest-bough-rating-t-word-count-42k)  
> Come say hi!


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